Do something dumb and hurt yourself? Sue someone!
Sept. 8, 2006

How are your powers of logic? To find out, take this short quiz. Here's the setup: it's 1:30 in the morning, you've had a couple of beers, you're walking around in the dark outside your hotel and talking on you cell phone when – whoops! – you fall off a cliff.

Question: whose fault is it?

For most of us, the answer would be, "it's my fault – duh." But if you're Jason Stanford, the answer is "someone else’s."

In this case, the "someone else" is the city of Georgetown. Stanford is suing because, apparently, the city failed in its duties as his babysitter.

According to the suit filed last week in the 26th District Court in Williamson County, Stanford slipped and fell off a 40-foot cliff and landed in Blue Hole Park, fracturing his leg, ankle and lower back. Stanford is seeking unspecified monetary damages to cover his medical bills and lost wages.

Stanford also wants to recover lost wages, since he's been unable to return to his career as a furniture mover, a job that requires the use of one's legs and back. Too bad he didn't land on his head; apparently he's not using that very much.

If Stanford were smart, he'd ask for enough money to buy himself a clue. On the other hand, if he were that smart he probably wouldn't be walking around in the dark in an unfamiliar place and talking on the phone after having a couple of brewskis.

Stanford's attorney, Mike Marbut, claims the city should have posted warning signs and erected a fence to keep people from approaching the cliff. "The city could have prevented it with minimal expenditures," he was quoted in the Austin American-Statesman.

I'm thinking that Stanford could have prevented it himself, and at zero expenditure to anyone, by following Carmack's First Law of Not Falling Off of Cliffs: don't wander around in the dark in an unfamiliar place with a cell phone glued to your head when you've been drinking. I've been following this law my entire life and I have yet to fall off a cliff.

I'm also not buying the contention that signs and a fence could have prevented this admittedly unfortunate accident. According to news reports, there was at least one sign posted at the time of the accident, and more signs have been erected since. The problem is, signs are hard to read in the dark. When you've been drinking. And you're paying attention to your cell phone and not to where you're walking.

As the old saying goes, nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.