World going to the dogs; dogs say ‘no, thanks’
12/22/06

Sometimes, it seems like the world is divided into two groups: the first group does something that offends the second group, and then the second group complains about the first group.

Actually, there’s a third group, too: those of use who sit back and try to figure out why groups one and two have so much spare time on their hands, and so little to do with it.

This profound observation was prompted by a brief news story from Jaipur, India. Last week, a wedding ceremony of 18 dogs was cancelled after both religious groups and animal-rights activists raised a stink.

The religious groups said it was a mockery of Hindu tradition. The Hindu faith, as you will recall from watching “The Simpsons,” features a multitude of gods and goddesses, some of which have animal faces, and all of which seem to have multiple arms. I’m not sure how you mock a religion like that, but holding a wedding ceremony for 18 dogs is as good a place to start as any.

The story underlines a major cultural difference between our two cultures; India is a predominantly Hindu nation, while we’re largely Christian. And instead of relying on dog weddings to make a mockery of our traditions, we count on our celebrities. Sure, dogs getting married is kind of weird, but have you ever seen Liza Minnelli and David Gest? I mean, I didn’t know it was even legal to marry a wax figurine.

But back to the dogs. The religious group wasn’t the only bunch complaining. Another group, this one a group of animal-rights activists, said the ceremony would be cruel to the dogs. I have to agree, especially if organizers planned to have a karaoke machine at the reception.

Speaking of dogs, Britney Spears is back in the news and she still can’t catch a break. She’s been called a second-rate talent and accused of being a bad mom, and now she’s been branded as a lousy dog owner.

Following an online readers’ poll, Hilary O'Hagan, editor of The New York Dog and The Hollywood Dog magazines, said in a statement last week that "Britney was the overwhelming choice" for worst celebrity dog owner for 2006.

"She once had three Chihuahuas ... and never left home without at least one of them on her arm," O'Hagan said. O’Hagan stated that as soon as Britney met and wed Kevin “K-Fed” Federline and started to have kids, “the dogs disappeared."

In the past few months, Britney has repeatedly been spotted driving with a child in her lap, seen partying in Vegas with Paris Hilton, and photographed emerging panty-less from the back seat of a limo.

If those dogs know what’s good for them, they’ll stay disappeared.