Anyone who’s spent much time in Austin knows the city’s unofficial slogan, “Keep Austin Weird.” You see this slogan everywhere – on t-shirts, on bumper stickers, even baby clothes. I fully expect (note that I said I expect, not hope) to one day see it tattooed on the freckled nether cheeks of Leslie, Austin’s tiara-wearing, be-thonged, homeless transvestite.

Austin is indeed a quirky little burg and, after a while, residents become accustomed to seeing things like a guy with dreadlocks and a green beard playing the fiddle while riding a unicycle (I actually saw this a week ago). So it a takes a little doing to get a hardcore Austinite to say, “Dang, that’s kinda weird.”

This week’s dang-that’s-weird moment comes courtesy of the city of Austin itself. According to an article in the local gazette, the city recently spent $20,000 on a contract to teach people to do something all of us have been doing successfully pretty much since we were born.

Yup, the city dropped 20,000 smackers on a contract with the Art of Living Foundation, a nondenominational spiritual group that started in India, to teach people how to breathe. The breathing techniques are said to lower blood pressure and relieve stress.

One guy who took the course is a project manager at Dell. He said that after the four-day training, his stuttering went away. Maybe I need to take some lessons because since I read the article, I haven’t been able to talk about it without stammering in disbelief. I’m also a little stressed that the city has nothing better to do with our money than to remind people it’s a good idea to inhale and exhale.

The news article described a couple of the breathing techniques. In one, participants inhale as they raise their arms and exhale sharply as they lower them. To me, this sounds like Bugs Bunny giving Elmer Fudd flying lessons. In another technique, participants breathe through one nostril while holding the other shut with two fingers and then release the other nostril and exhale through it. I’ve used a similar technique when I needed to blow my nose but didn’t have a tissue.

According to an assistant professor in clinical psychiatry who has studied the foundation's work, the breathing exercises really can help reduce stress and lower blood pressure. Of course, you can do the same thing by unplugging the phone, putting your feet up and cracking a brewski. That little bit of advice is free, too. You can send me a donation if you want but don’t feel obligated. My reward is in helping others.

I’d like to propose some lessons for the city council. The first one would be on how to keep your wallet in your pocket. That $20,000 could sure have been better spent. For instance, on buying Leslie some pants – or at the very least, some freckle crème.