Henry David Thoreau, one of the American Transcendentalist authors, once wrote, “Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.”

Good thing ol’ Hank had a steady gig as a writer (not to mention a generous family) because, with that sort of attitude, he would have made a lousy marketer.

What prompted this line of thought (and I use the term “thought” loosely) is a little shopping expedition I went on last weekend. I’m going on vacation and will be doing lots of walking, so I need some plain old wool socks; nothing fancy, just something that will be comfy, easy to launder, and will wear forever.

I went to a store that sells tents and boots and all kinds of camping gear, thinking it would be the perfect place to find socks that meet my simple requirements.

They had socks – boy, did they have socks. They had cotton socks. They had cotton and Lycra socks. They had cotton, Lycra, and silk socks. They even had wool socks, too, and lots of them. But plain old? You don’t get out much, do you?

They had wool socks for every activity you could think of. They had walking socks and they had hiking socks. What’s the difference between walking socks and hiking socks, you ask? Well, about $2, before tax.

They also had trekking socks. I wonder what those are for – maybe you wear them when you’re watching that old ‘70s sci-fi series that starred William Shatner before he went bald and started shilling for Priceline.com.

The goofiest thing I saw, however, was traveling socks. That is to say, socks specifically designed to wear when traveling.

Here’s where the marketing comes in. Somewhere, some evil genius knows that some of us are so gullible that we really believe we need special socks just for traveling. And not just gullible enough to believe it, but dumb enough to shell out $18 for them.

I started thinking, how many types of socks would I need for this trip? Well, I won’t be hiking so I can rule those out. But I will need some walking socks; gotta walk from the front door to the taxi, and from the taxi to the check-in line, and then to the gate.

But at what point would I put on my traveling socks? In the taxi to the airport? Is a taxi ride really traveling, or do I need special taxi-riding socks? Once I’m on the plane, I’m definitely traveling, but I’d be afraid to change socks there, lest someone think I’m some crazed sock bomber. And once I get to my destination, do I quickly don my special going-through-customs socks? After that, what do I do? Slip back into the taxi-riding socks so I can get to my hotel in comfort?

And since I’ll be in England, where they drive on the other side of the street, would I put the socks on opposite feet, or would I just turn them inside out? I’m also going to Amsterdam, so should I invest in a pair of cavity-search socks?

There are too many unanswered questions here, and I’ve just about decided to stay home. I distrust any enterprise that requires more than one kind of socks.