jeff carmack, austin, writer, freelance writer, humorist, newspaper journalist, texas, humor writer, central texas jeff carmack, austin, writer, freelance writer
texas, humor writer, central texas
   
  The week in review: thank god that's over
May 11, 2007

There's lots to catch up in the news, so let's get cracking, shall we?

The big news is from our nations' capital. Washington, D.C. was all abuzz last week over the visit of English monarch, Queen Elizabeth II. During opening ceremonies, President Bush made a minor faux pas when he misspoke and seemed to say that the queen had been on hand during the American Revolution. He said: "You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17... 1976."

He later joked that the Queen had given him "a look that only a mother could give a child." The queen showed her amusement by sending him to bed without dessert.

Elizabeth was later feted with the poshest of posh affairs, a white-tie dinner. This level of formality, a first for the Bush White House, means that the men wore dinner jackets with tails, the women were attired in gowns, and the shoes George propped up on the table after dinner were hand-made patent leather pumps.

White House spokesman Tony Snow said there was no truth to reports that Vice President Cheney had grilled Elizabeth and her husband, Prince Phillip, for tips on how to set up a real monarchy.

In foreign news, some environmentally conscious German tourists are taking their vacations at home instead of flying abroad. In so doing, they hope to reduce their share of "greenhouse gases" that many scientists say are contributing to global warming.

Al Gore was quoted as saying, "Forget the flying; if the Germans are serious about reducing greenhouse gases, they'll lay off the beer and cabbage."

On the celebrity front, Ty Pennington, the host of ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," was arrested this weekend on suspicion of being under the influence of alcohol and drugs while in control of a motor vehicle. A charge of driving while wacky was dropped, records show.

Pennington was released after posting bond; his hair, however, was detained as a material witness.

In other celebrity drunk-driving news, Paris Hilton took a break from her rocket science career to appear in court in Los Angeles for violating her probation on a drunken-driving conviction.

Hilton was sentenced to three years' probation in January on a drunk driving charge. Hilton was stopped by the California Highway Patrol later that same month and informed she was driving with a suspended license. At that time she signed a document acknowledging that she was not allowed to drive.

When she was stopped again in February for speeding and driving with no headlights, she claimed she was not aware that her license had been suspended, although the document she signed in January was found in her glove box. The judge ruled this a case of "the headlights are on but no one's home."

The 26-year-old is famous for being the heir to the Hilton hotel fortune, for her partying ways, and for being photographed getting in and out of limos while not wearing underpants.

In science news, Israeli archaeologist Ehud Netzer said Tuesday he has found what he believes to be the tomb of King Herod, the legendary builder of ancient Jerusalem.

Netzer said researchers found pieces of a limestone sarcophagus believed to belong to the ancient king. Although there were no bones in the container, he said the sarcophagus' location and ornate appearance indicate it is Herod's, as does the Hebrew graffiti, "Herod sucks."

next>
   
humor | not humor | jeff carmack bio | contact | sitemap
Website design by Pranamedia © 2007 Jeff Carmack, All rights reserved.