As Humphrey Bogart told Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, "We'll always have Paris."

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer can say the same thing - he's the guy who recently sentenced celebutante and drunk driver Paris Hilton to a short stint in the L.A. County lockup.

That move made Sauer a sort of celebrity himself. Hilton's "people" and fans criticized the judge, claiming that he sentenced Paris to jail not for the crime, but for being who she is. If that were true, though, I think she'd be doing life without parole with the Unabomber, or working on her tan at Gitmo.

Not everyone has criticized Sauer, however; in fact, some people have applauded him for slapping Hilton down. She had been stopped repeatedly for driving with a suspended license, but claimed she thought she could drive, as long as she was going to work. Question: did your brain just explode from reading the words "Hilton" and "going to work" in the same sentence? My computer made a funny noise and started to smoke, so I shut it down and let it regain its composure. That also gave me a chance to pick my jaw up off the floor.

Sauer's handling of the Hilton case has generated some pretty wild rumors. One claimed that that Sauer got a standing ovation from his fellow congregants at St. Brendan Catholic Church. Sauer said this was not true, but did not deny getting a "high-five" from the priest.

An attorney who has appeared repeatedly in Sauer's courtroom thought the judge gave Hilton jail time because he was P.O.'ed by her rich-girl attitude. "Basically she thumbed her nose at him," said. I think he's giving Paris credit for being more coordinated than she is; thumbing one's nose is a lot harder than dialing a cell phone or ordering a bottle of champagne.

A stay in the L.A. County jail is not Hilton's only legal problem. Diamond heiress and sometime actress Zeta Graff is suing Hilton for slander, claiming she talked smack about Graff to the New York Post.  Hilton claims she's just too traumatized by her court experience to take part in the $10 million trial, which was due to kick off this month.

A psychiatrist who has treated Hilton testified that the poor dear was not quite ready for the rigors of a trial, and that forcing her to take the stand could "exacerbate her current mental condition.

Is that the same mental condition that made her think it was OK to drive with a suspended license, and show up late for court? Maybe a little exacerbation would do her some good - it sure couldn't hurt.