OK, this is it, I promise. This is the last time I’m going to bust on Paris Hilton. After this one, I’m finding a sponsor, I’m getting into a 12-step program, and I’m going to start going to meetings.

Hi. My name is Jeff, and I’m addicted to making fun of Paris Hilton.

If you’ve read a paper or turned on a TV during the past year, you’ve probably heard about Hilton’s brushes with the law -- or you have if you could get past all that boring “news” stuff, like the war in Iraq, the bloodbath in Darfur, and U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez’s memory lapses. Speaking of Gonzo, I watched his testimony before Congress and he said, “I can’t remember” more times in one morning than Cheech and Chong did during their entire career.

But I digress.

Hilton used to star in a TV show called “The Simple Life.” Well, now she’s living the real deal. Last Sunday night about 11:30, the heiress to the Hilton hotel fortune checked into digs somewhat less posh than those to which she is accustomed -- L.A.’s Century Regional Detention Facility. Good thing it wasn’t a Hilton; their check-in time is a lot earlier. However, she knew they’d hold her reservation – and I bet she didn’t even have to guarantee it with a major credit card.

Hilton turned herself in, but only after she had attended the MTV Movie Awards. Can’t blame her -- slammer nightlife is probably not what she’s used to; I know the couture is not. At the movie awards she was wearing a strapless black dress; two hours later she was rocking a county-issue jumpsuit. This is just the thing to wear when lounging around your cell, making license plates, or hiding from a lifer named Tiny who wants to “play house.”

For the next couple of weeks, Hilton also won’t have to worry about paparazzi flashing their strobes in her face; the only bright light she’s seeing now is a jail matron’s flashlight during hourly bed check.

Rich folks like Hilton can often pay a fee and do their time in the jail of their choice, which affords them more privacy and comfort. Not our Paris, though. Wanting to show the world that she’s a stand-up con, she’s doing her time in the county lockup -- albeit in the "special needs" unit of the jail, away from most of the 2,200 other inmates and without a cellmate. She said, "I am trying to be strong right now. I'm ready to face my sentence.” She’s a regular Marie Antoinette.

Hilton’s publicist said, “This will be a time when Paris will be able to think and reflect and to spend time alone to learn from the experience.” For my sake I hope she decides to go straight – temptation is strong, I’m weak and she’s a sitting duck.