Sometimes, it seems like all the news you hear is bad. Global warming, war in the Middle East, a new Kelsey Grammer sitcom – it appears to never end. And just when you think it can’t get any worse, a real problem comes along.

If you follow current events like I do, you’re probably already way ahead of me, and you know I’m talking about baggy britches.

Yup. Saggy jeans. Low-rider pants. The hip-hop couture that’s the style on the street and that apparently threatens life as we know it in these United States. Forget Osama bin Laden and that crazy Iranian dude; the true enemy of our domestic tranquility is Tommy Hilfiger.

Fortunately, we’re a culture of problem-solvers, and civic leaders of several cities and states have rolled up their sleeves (much as they would encourage their young to hitch up their jeans) and boldly legislated against this very real threat.

Trenton, New Jersey, is one such place. If the fashion police bust you in Trenton for showing off your Calvins, you could get not only a fine, but also a “life assessment” from a city worker – and what could be more valuable to a young person than having their life assessed by a civil servant?

City council member Annette Lartigue, who drafted a law to outlaw saggy pants, sees them not just as an affront to public decency, but apparently a step on the slippery slope to a wasted life. In a news story, she mused about the droopy-drawered youth of the Garden State: "Are they employed? Do they have a high school diploma?” The message from Trenton is loud and clear: pull up those pants, kid – the life you save may be your own.

Mack Murray, owner of hip-hop clothing store Razor Sharp Clothing Shop 4 Ballers said Trenton's proposed ordinance unfairly targets blacks. And he has a point.

"Are they going to go after construction workers and plumbers, because their pants sag, too?" Murray asked. Construction workers and plumbers? I hadn’t thought of that but it’s not a bad idea. I’m not crazy about seeing the top of some kid’s boxers, but it sure beats the unanticipated (and unwanted) view of the Grand Canyon you get when a plumber squats down to clean the trap under your sink.

Louisiana, maintaining its reputation as a beacon of enlightenment, has introduced a bill in the state legislature that would ban droopy drawers. And it’s not just the state legislature addressing the problem, either; several small towns have taken a strong stand against this so-called “fashion.” The Delcambre Town Council last June passed an ordinance that carries a fine of up to $500 or six months in jail for exposing underwear in public.

The jail sentence is particularly ironic, as the whole baggy-pants look is said to have gotten its start in prison.

For all their purported ills, baggy pants do have a practical side, as explained by a young man in Trenton who was rocking the baggy jeans. "The reason I don't wear tight pants is because it's easier to get money out of my pocket this way.” Good deal – it’ll be that much easier for him to pay his fine.