Who needs cable when you have the newspaper? Just a cursory glance offers more entertainment than a season’s worth of “Everybody Loves Raymond,” or even listening to Bush trying to pronounce multi-syllabic words (note to George: the Iranian president’s name is not “I’madinnerjacket”).

Maybe you caught this in the news; it concerns toe-tappin’ Larry Craig, the Idaho Senator who was busted in a gay sex sting at a Minneapolis airport men’s room. Airport officials recently announced that they are modifying the airport’s stalls. New divider walls, they say, will reach almost to the floor and will prevent – or at least discourage – the sort of hand waving and “wide-stance” footsie that led to Craig’s current status as America’s number-one punch line.

However, as someone pointed out to me, what this really does is afford crap-house Casanovas like Craig more privacy. And if you’re going to do that, why not spring for mood lighting and Barry White music 24/7? I draw the line at room service champagne, though. That’s just gratuitous.

One report I read said the new stall dividers that drop nearly to the floor will “make it a less inviting spot for sexual liaisons.” Less inviting? You’ve been in a pubic bathroom, right? So you’re familiar with the sounds, the smells, the Abu Ghraib lighting. And these folks believe that some new dividers are going to make it less attractive? I think that people who would (and who could) make whoopee under those conditions are not going to be dissuaded by anything short of having cops spend their shifts … well, never mind.

In other funny news, Navy brass want to spend a small fortune to make a building complex in a Southern California air base look less like a swastika – from the air.

A complex of six buildings at the Coronado Naval Amphibious Base are built in a configuration that, when viewed from a sufficient altitude, look like the “broken cross” symbol that was so popular in Vichy France.

So as not to offend the small number of people who are ever going to actually see the buildings, the Navy wants to spend $600,000 to modify the buildings and the grounds around them.

I have another idea and not only would it save money, it might bring in a few bucks for the Navy. Dick Cheney is going to be out of a job soon (not soon enough; I mean, seriously – the Bible says the Anti-Christ will reign only three and a half years, but Cheney gets eight?) Instead of disguising the swastika, why not sell the building to Dick and his neocon buddies? They could use it for a clubhouse.

And speaking of Cheney, Halliburton recently reported that there is no truth to the rumor that they are remodeling their corporate headquarters building so that it resembles a giant dollar sign when viewed from a Lear jet en route to Argentina.