Trying to keep up with the news – especially all the crazy news – is a chore. Sometimes, it’s enough to drive a man to drink.

And speaking of drinking (man, am I smooth or what?) here’s a story you might have missed. Prosecutors in East Texas recently decided to drop negligent homicide charges against a Lake Jackson woman who had been accused of killing her husband back in 2004 with a sherry enema.

Yes, those two words – “sherry” and “enema” – two words you probably thought you’d never see in the same story, much less the same sentence, actually belong together. And while you’re meditating on the idea of a sherry enema, I’ll fill you in on some of the details.

The woman told authorities that she had given her husband the enema so he could get drunk. I remember from my college psychology classes that after food, shelter, and finding a good mechanic, getting hammered is one of mankind’s most fundamental drives. What baffles me (hey, call me provincial) is the enema part. Fortunately, his wife clarified.

Turns out that the guy was addicted to enemas and often used them to get drunk. This was a new one on me; I’ve heard the expression, “drunk on my butt,” but never “drunk through my butt.”

One advantage to this method is that it leaves no trace of alcohol on your breath. And if anyone’s in a position that that they can smell liquor … well, I imagine the odor is pretty well camouflaged. Good thing, too – taking an Altoid in this case could be pretty uncomfortable.

When the guy died, he had a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent. In Texas, operating a car with a blood alcohol level of .08 percent is considered drunken driving. If this guy ever got pulled over, I feel sorry for the cop who had to give him his breath test. More than that, though, I really pity the next guy who had to use the Breathalyzer machine.

I’m not much of a drinker, but I still wonder what it would be like to be his drinking buddy. I mean, what sort of toast do you make to a guy whose cocktail straw has a nozzle on one end? Most of the toasts I’ve ever heard wouldn’t work. “Here’s mud in your …” Well, obviously, that’s not going to work. I also wonder if anyone ever explained to him that BYOB means, “bring your own bottle,” not “bring your own bag.”

And why sherry? To me, sherry has connotations of sophistication and refinement. I think of sherry and I have a mental image of a big, round snifter – not a big, rubber bag. But I guess sherry is a better idea than martinis; I mean, the olives would get stuck in the hose, right? And you can pretty much forget about mai-tais and those little paper umbrellas.