jeff carmack, austin, writer, freelance writer, humorist, newspaper journalist, texas, humor writer, central texas jeff carmack, austin, writer, freelance writer
texas, humor writer, central texas
   
  The shocking truth about ‘Gilligan’s Island’
March 19 , 2008

I like to watch old sitcoms on TV – shows like “The Beverly Hilllbillies,” and “Green Acres.” They remind me of a simpler, more innocent age in America.

Or at least they did until I read this story. It’s old news now but it made me think about the shows we used to watch, and I now see some of them in a new light. This is certainly true of the 1960s classic “Gilligan’s Island.”

You probably read a couple of weeks ago that Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Anne on the show, was arrested in Idaho for possession of marijuana.

I’m going to the kitchen for a sandwich while you make “Mary Anne – Mary Jane” jokes. I’ll be right back.

Finished? Anyway, the news that Wells is a stoner was a heck of a jolt. Sweet little Mary Anne a pot-smoking scofflaw? Is nothing sacred?

This was a real revelation. And it got me thinking about that show and a lot of others from the period. From today’s vantage point, they look kind of silly and innocent – a reflection of the era. I mean, the ‘60s (up until it all hit the fan in about ’68) were basically the ‘50s with better music and cooler clothes.

But were the days and the TV shows we watched really that innocent?

After reading the news about Wells, I started thinking about “Gilligan’s Island” and what was really going on with that show and here’s my conclusion: “Gilligan’s Island” was actually about a marijuana-smuggling operation, and the writers exploited the country’s naïveté to disguise the show’s true premise.

To begin with, the whole “three-hour tour” thing was just a smokescreen (so to speak) for a smuggling run. They’d go out, load the boat and bring their illegal cargo back under the guise of running a tour.

When you look at it this way, the characters all start to fall into place, too.

The skipper was the salty sea dog, using his experience, knowledge of the sea and, most importantly his boat, to bring in the weed. His was a “pot belly” in the truest sense -- the result of a lifetime of munchie-induced Twinkie binges.

And how about Gilligan himself? Remember how happy and stupid he seemed? Happy? Yup – as a clam. Stupid? I don’t think so. No, I think he was baked all the time. And you may recall that Bob Denver actually got busted for pot, so my theory may not be as far-fetched as it first seems.

Thurston Howell III? He was obviously the money guy who bankrolled the entire operation. On that fateful day, he and Lovey were on the boat conducting a “due diligence” investigation, as any canny investors would, to see how their seed money was being spent. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And the Professor? He was scientific brains in the outfit -- probably a breeder who developed more and more mind-blowing strains of wacky tobacky for the operation. For a guy who can make a radio out of a coconut, this should be no problem.

And Ginger (“the movie star”) and Mary Anne? Eye candy – mere window dressing. Plus, someone’s gotta cook for all those guys. God knows they’re hungry.

 

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